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Nap Time!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

This stuff gets weirder every time

Haha! Dead!

Okay, no one really cares about Scott Peterson. However, it seems odd to me that an aspect of our "justice system" involves trying to emotionally move the jurors enough to order someone's death.

“Based on what you’re going to hear on the circumstances of this crime, the only appropriate and just punishment is death,” [prosecutor Dave Harris] said.

Exactly. Killing people is so wrong, you should be killed for it. Wait...

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 09:54:00 PM #
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Well, a black cat crossed my path. Looks like I'm going to die a horrible death as a result of an unlucky (or lucky, depending on your opinion of me) accident. I may as well get some last-second blogging in.

Activist competition: Today, I walked by an old guy and a young guy selling "save the oceans." The old guy pleaded with folks to "just spend a minute of your time to save the oceans," while the young guy offered 45-second ocean-saving. It's obvious which one I talked to.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 06:04:00 PM #
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New Student Regent is coming! But once again, his letter, while full of "Things are pretty bad" comments, is depressingly devoid of "Here's what we can do" comments. But hey, I'm not part of the selection committee, so don't blame me.


In 2002, Israel’s military budget totaled $9.8 billion, 8.9 percent of their GDP—the United States spends only 3.1 percent.

Well, since Israel is involved in a war against an enemy that can actually hurt it, it seems pretty reasonable that they'd spend proportionately more on their military than we would.

The total of UC Regent investments in companies with subsidiaries in Israel worth $5 million or more is $7,182,195,067.

That number is so made up. Seriously, do you expect me to believe the following:
A) The value of the investment hasn't fluctuated at all from the time you looked it up and now?
B) No cents?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 01:20:00 PM #
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It's time for another episode of "WTF is that cartoon." Today's is from
Deana Sobel, showing a candle with "VACCINE" written on it burning. The A in VACCINE is used as the first letter for AIDS, with the IDS sort of floating in space. A hand is holding the candle.

Okay, that's the easy part. Now the hard part. What's the point? Is our opportunity for a vaccine burning down? Or is it only a matter of time before the vaccine candle burns past the A and eliminates AIDS forever? Or... uh... come on, somebody help me out here.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 01:17:00 PM #
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Nothing's funnier than sex

Yay! We'll finally put a stop to sexual assault!

“We’re very cognizant that the issue of education is really critical, sometimes immediately after the situation, and also on a long-term basis,” said Title IX Compliance Officer Nancy Chu.

This is exactly what's wrong with academia. They think that long words are somehow more meaningful. "We're very cognizant that" could easily be said "we know that" but that's just not fancy enough for these folks. Pathetic.

The campus has also turned its attention toward male students, Creighton said—and male students have sought out ways to help as well.

Because, you know, telling males that raping is bad will definitely be news to them.

Delta Chi fraternity member Anil Daryani said he was shocked by sexual assault statistics presented at a mandatory workshop on substance abuse, which also dealt with sexual assault.

“Bringing facts and figures like that to light is very important,” he said. “You don’t think it happens much, but it does.”

Well, one of the reasons sexual assault statistics are so shocking is that most of them are made up. Just ask TBTN.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 01:11:00 PM #
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Free Speech! Free Palestine! Free Cookies, too!

LOL Israel!

Summary argument: We're going to sort of do something symbolic, which is supposed to show how bad things are in Palestine, but since it's only symbolic, it doesn't actually show how bad things are, but people should take our word for it, it's really, really bad there.

Chris Cantor was the spokesman the DC spoke to.

The students stood on the outside of the corridor and yelled, “Bypass roads are a crime, Israel out of Palestine.”

That totally doesn't rhyme. Rhyme rhymes with crime, though. Anyway, technically speaking, since Israel is the only governmental authority in that region, what it does can't be a crime, because it makes the laws.

Compared to other rallies surrounding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in the past, yesterday’s was relatively calm, without disturbances from other students.

What is this, an SJP press release? Yeah, the IACers can get into heated arguments, but if I recall correctly most of the big distrubances from Israel-Palestine protests don't come from 'other students' but from the pro-Palestine protesters themselves.

“We hold these rallies on campus because we as Americans do not know what occupation feels like,” [Noura Erakat] said. “We feel it is important to show people what it is like.”

Well, if that was your goal, you kind of failed miserably.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 01:04:00 PM #
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. . .

Uh, sure, I'll waste more money

Fee hikes up for vote!!!!

My recommendation: Vote no. Especially if you're healthy. Or too stubborn to seek help if you're not.

The demand for increased services, especially mental health services, has come directly from the student body, Madon said.

“It’s a way for us to firewall our investment in health services,” [grad student Temina Madon] said.

No one ever asks my opinion on these things. Yet somehow I'm clamoring for mental health services. What's up with that? And who the hell uses 'firewall' like that anymore? Computers clearly haven't conquered enough of the world.

“There’s this folklore that Berkeley students are fiscally very conservative, and that they generally oppose fee increases,” Madon said. “I don’t think that’s necessarily the case.”

Boy, am I out of the loop. I've never heard this folklore, either.

[Vice chancellor Steve Lustig] said he expects students might be reluctant to raise fees, but hopes that increased student involvement will carry the initiative.

Oh, great. More "We're students, and we support this, so you should, too, because you're students, too. Why is it a good idea? I don't know, and I won't explain it, but we're students, too, so you should agree with us! All students have identical goals!!!"

UC Berkeley students currently pay $98.75 in campus fees, which include payments to the student government and the Ethnic Studies Department. Campus fees at UCLA, in contrast, total more than $300.

While $6 of UC Berkeley’s fees go toward the student union, UCLA students pay $113 to maintain theirs.

Well, the explanation for the student union thing is sort of obvious: We don't use ours, so we don't pay a whole lot for it. But I'm suprised that we're funding the Ethnic Studies Department. Why don't we fund a real department? Where do you start the referendum to de-fund the Ethnic Studies Department so they can beg for their funding just like every other department?

Some students, however, said the benefits of a student health referendum would outweigh the costs.

More of a usage complaint. The use of 'however' suggests that this statement is in contrast with some statement above. However, there hasn't been a single comment opposed to this referendum referenced yet in this article. In summary:

Some students think this is a good idea.
Some students, however, think this is a good idea.

Nice job on the editing.

Also, why can't they find an opinion from someone opposed to this referendum that doesn't sound as shallow as "I don't wanna!"? Do they just not look?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/30/2004 01:04:00 PM #
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Monday, November 29, 2004

I'm so old-fashioned

Old-fashioned not in the "this is how things used to be" sense but in the "I can't think about these complicated issues anymore" sense. Examples:

In my mind, you don't stab yourself, you try to avoid getting stabbed, and you sure as hell don't pay someone to stab you. That shows how inflexible my mind is.

Insulting or otherwise pissing off large groups of people is not a good way to get them to help you out. But don't tell that to the 'great philosophers' of the world. Singer? Chomsky? Uh... Moore?

Disingenuity is basically lying. George Lakoff disagrees. And he should know more than I do. (Also, dictionary.com says disingenuity is an obsolete word. The proper word is disingenuousness, but that just sounds stupid)

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/29/2004 07:45:00 PM #
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Saturday, November 27, 2004

Haha, vacation

It's only four days. How much sense does it really make to evacuate Berkeley in these numbers?

Anyway, quick call for my readers: Define 'natural' in a way that doesn't make "human society is not acting naturally" a tautology.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/27/2004 04:44:00 PM #
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004


What dolts. UCLA wants to get an AC requirement. Why?

Immediate approval of this requirement is crucial. The absence of this requirement has caused an entire generation of UCLA students to be educationally shortchanged. Living in a globalized, diverse environment such as ours today requires knowledge of other cultures for true awareness and success.

At UCLA, far too many students have graduated without such an understanding. A diversity requirement will finally ensure that this aspect of UCLA students' education is not overlooked.

Yes, because being forced to take one boring class you aren't interested in at all will make you totally "aware" of other cultures. It worked here at Cal, after all. Hate-free zone.

Of course, the people pushing this are usually the ones who won't have any change in their classes. They're already taking "Whining About Some Minority Or Something 101" as part of what they laughably consider their education. It's the folks who wanted to take "Something Useful 112" as part of their General Education requirement who are now denied that opportunity. Good work! Way to save "an entire generation"!

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/24/2004 01:44:00 PM #
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Now, the vegan Moby and PETA have teamed up against "turkey-corpse seller" Butterball to send a strong message this Thanksgiving: Environmentalists are nuts.


Anyway, remember this for when you folks bitch about Thanksgiving, or Columbus Day, or whatever other days you bitch about:

Yet Thanksgiving is not a celebration of the killing of innocent Native Americans, for the simple reason that no American sees it as such. The holiday itself might be rooted in dubious historical ground, but its celebration is rooted in very real sentiments of good will.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/24/2004 01:39:00 PM #
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What craziness

Ahem. It's not a deathmatch if nobody dies.

...campus representatives from different political parties discussed...

Is that Snehal in the background? I wonder what party he's from.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/24/2004 01:36:00 PM #
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Oooh, exciting

Check out the
last story on today's amazingly long News in Brief.

A would-be male shoplifter...

Apparently she was trying to steal a sex change.

The manager of a pregnant women’s nutrition store went upstairs briefly and returned to find a male trying to walk out the front door with the dish set.

Wait... I'm no doctor, but what kind of dishes are nutritious for pregnant women?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/24/2004 01:31:00 PM #
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Oh, that makes sense

The SF Chron tries to say something about illegal immigration. Brace!

Another flaw in Bush's plan is that it does not offer temporary workers a clear pathway to legal permanent residence or citizenship... Immigrant advocates will reject it because it contains no clear pathway to citizenship.

Just so we're all on the same page, let's keep in mind the following two facts:
a) There already is a clear pathway to legal permanent residence.
b) Illegal immigrants, by definition, refused to use this pathway.

Let's keep that in mind before we say "Gee, let's give these people a pathway," and assume they'd totally be on board.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/24/2004 01:27:00 PM #
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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

LOL capital Stupid

Dorie Perez and Bill Gordon are fighting for the rights of everyone!

The blatant lack of sensitivity by senators when presented with real issues like the drop in minority enrollment, the creation of the multicultural center, and rising rate of sexual assault in our community makes me uncomfortable to align myself with my peers in the senate. When will we ever truly reflect the diversity of both culture and thought on our campus?

Minority enrollment and sexual assault in the community are not real issues for the ASUC senate. But let's pretend they are, for the sake of argument. The rising rate of sexual assault means that there is a growing portion of the campus community that thinks sexual assault is okay. Therefore, for a senate to truly reflect the diversity of both culture and thought on our campus, it seems that we would need a pro-sexual assault senator.

Never have I received the full support of my communities’ endeavors...

I guess you're just not one of the popular kids in the senate.

Why is it that we claim funding student groups of a certain kind is “fiscally responsible” when they often perpetuate very negative aspects of campus life as we know it, including sexual assault, hate crimes and mind-numbingly ineffective “fund-raising” events used as a front for social activities?

Ohhh, damn, I'm glad I'm not a Greek. But you're barking up the wrong tree, fiscal responsibility does not say "spend money on feel-good programs."

Should we really be funneling student fees towards organizations that aren’t in as much need as other groups on campus?

Well, if we funneled them to the organizations that are in need, then those organizations would no longer be in need, and the old not-in-need organizations would become in need. Some ideas really are dumber than others. Sorry.

Anyway, Bill Gordon has a long list of complaints about how the ASUC is trying to step in and regulate group constitutions and "diminish any personal accountability that members of student groups have about their own decisions and will remove any personal agency signatories have within their student group."

The problem is that the complaint being filed is coming from within the student group, not from the ASUC. But whatever.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/23/2004 01:20:00 PM #
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Haha, oh, Jessica, you kill us

Another Jessica Rifkind cartoon, this one (I think) criticizing how the administration simply declared a new calendar and demanded all students follow it, focusing on the number of dead days (two). Of course, the original plan was to have one dead day, but students convinced the administration to use two. But hey, don't let that get in the way of a bad cartoon.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/23/2004 01:17:00 PM #
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The children are safe

The school board has saved the children from doom by banning sweets and such from sale in their school. As we all know, when schools discourage activity, students always follow that advice and never, ever, ever engage in that discouraged activity.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/23/2004 01:15:00 PM #
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Monday, November 22, 2004

If it isn't broken...

A slant!

The cliche goes that all politics are local, and Americans are understandably concerned about themselves first and foremost. News media can’t really be blamed for pandering to this ready-made market, but I wish they would take a more active role in ending the sort of intellectual isolationism that still plagues American culture.

Uh... just because things are happening somewhere, doesn't mean we should care. Heck, the only reason the rest of the world cares what the U.S. does is because what we do affects them. Do you think they would give the slightest nod in our direction if they weren't subjugated? That is, we're not talking about an American problem here. It's something that comes with being human, and it's not even problem.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/22/2004 06:40:00 PM #
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Sue this!

Professional school fee increases:

“It’s not clear whether that money will go to our school or to the campus to be divided up,” said Dennis Levi, dean of the School of Optometry. “We will not sign off on this if the professional students end up subsidizing everyone else’s education.”

Your students are suing the school to get the rest of the students to subsidize professional students' education. Pardon me if I don't sympathize with their plight.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/22/2004 06:38:00 PM #
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Oh, those crazy Bostonians

I read with interest the
Boston Globe's Ombudswoman explain away criticism of headline-writing. While it's no LA Times, The Globe is not your source for non-partisan headlines.

The funny thing about this ombudswoman response is that she says "You know, sure, headlines sometimes aren't that good, but the writers may only have a few minutes to come up with them, and the space dedicated for them is fixed."

Also, I'll note that headline-writing is not weather-reporting.

I say this because while you can justifiably say "Gee, you know, we try to predict the weather, but sometimes the weather just doesn't behave the way we predict it, and we have to go by imperfect information," the same concept doesn't hold when you're talking about management practices. If the editors don't have enough time to come up with fair headlines, give them more time. Make adjustments. These things aren't fixed. The paper has some control over them. For instance, they could reassign the ombudswoman to headline-writing duty.

But throwing up your hands and saying "Well, we do the best we can with the cards we're dealt" is not a reasonable defense when you get to stack the deck.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/22/2004 06:32:00 PM #
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Of course

Beetle Beat. The number eight search for zombie sighting.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/22/2004 06:31:00 PM #
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Sunday, November 21, 2004

Another hilarious rant

Even the revolutionaries will appreciate
this one.

Let’s stipulate for the sake of argument that everything the Left claims to fear about the Bush admin and mainstream red-state America is true.

What are you gonna do about it?

I’ll tell you what you’re going to do about it: you’re not going to do one damned thing but continue with your whining, that’s what, and it’s not because deep down you’re all cowards either. It’s because deep down, you know you’re full of shit. You don’t even believe half the stuff you’re currently crying about yourselves.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/21/2004 04:21:00 PM #
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I stopped by IB's for lunch today and noticed that, according to the sign, it's pronounced "Hogee-ee." That's crazy. Also crazy is getting the order wrong on only half of the sandwich. That's CRAZY!

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/21/2004 02:46:00 PM #
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Saturday, November 20, 2004

Some stuff

I'm bored, so I'm going to complain about liberals.

Well, I don't like the "liberal" label, so I should be more specific. This past election, in what may be a result of my being in the Bay Area, I was shocked and disappointed by the sheer unwillingness of many anti-Bush types to simply listen to what the other side was saying. Not agree, just listen, and understand what was said. I'm a pro-Bush dude. Still, I can tell you the anti-Bush arguments. They aren't very complicated. Some of them are quite moving, some are not.

However, the response from the anti-Bush folks to the pro-Bush folks was astounding. I couldn't even comprehend how some of the responses were even referring to the pro-Bush arguments. The pro-Bush folks were saying things, and the anti-Bush folks were responding to something completely different.

Gay marriage is a great example, even if it doesn't quite line up with pro-Bush/anti-Bush. The pro-gay marriage argument is easy to understand. "Gay people are people, too, and should be able to get the same recognition from the government as straight people do for their commitment to their partner." All of my conservative pals understand that argument just fine. They aren't moved by it, but they know what it is and respond to it.

Here's an anti-gay marriage argument: "When I got married, it meant a certain something beyond just two people getting together. By recognizing marriage as simply that, it cheapens my marriage." Now, this argument has plenty of flaws you can point out, but screaming "HOMOPHOBE," "CHRISTIAN TRYING TO IMPOSE HIS RELIGIOUS VIEWS ON EVERYONE ELSE," or "IGNORANT SOUTHERN HICK" does not do that. Yet the response seems to be completely along those lines. The pro-gay marriage folks heard "I hate gay people," for some reason, and reacted accordingly.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/20/2004 10:59:00 PM #
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Where the hell are the clouds?

Did the weather change just for the big game?

For an analysis on "Go Bears or Go Home" go
here for last year's. One thing I might add is that maybe it's a multi-audience message. If you're a Cal person, it's telling you "Go Bears!" in solidarity, while if you're a Stanford person, it's telling you "Go Home!"

Update: In an ironic twist, GTBK says that it is a variant of "Go Big or Go Home," which is a saying, apparently. It figures that I wouldn't know.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/20/2004 01:14:00 PM #
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Friday, November 19, 2004

The future of indiscreteness

A comment on
CalJunket reminded me of an interesting development coming up in the near future.

In the past, when running for political office, folks would dig up your "youthful indiscretions" and fling them in the face of a usually uncaring public. But it's only a matter of time before our generation starts getting to that age. Will "youthful indiscretions" suddenly expand from reports from bitter foes and newspaper clippings to old internet junk? Google caches quite a bit, after all. Will these blogs come back and bite us if someone decides to dig up dirt on us?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 02:49:00 PM #
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What is it with the necrophilia?

There was something about dead people going on in Sproul today at noonish. Come on, guys, lets face the reality: all of our whining about other people's deaths is just selfishness. I can think of no mainstream belief system which says that dying is somehow bad for the deceased. So let's calm down a bit with the body counts, 'kay?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 02:17:00 PM #
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Gov's on our side

How does Arnie feel about the Big Game?

Ex: Who do you think is going to win the Big Game on Saturday?

Gov: [Pause] What is the Big Game?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 11:51:00 AM #
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I can't be reading this

Is this a solution? Did someone actually propose a solution to the university's whole not-having-any-money problem? How absurd. How ridiculous. "Phil Angelides is the California state treasurer." Oh, I see.

Not that it's necessarily a good solution, but it's nice to see people actually suggesting solutions.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 11:48:00 AM #
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Don't forget to edit

Turn Undead! Wait, I mean, clerical workers!

About 50 workers and students armed with signs and soap bubbles rallied in front of the International House yesterday to protest what they say are low wages and to adverse working conditions at UC.

Normally I don't harp on minor grammatical errors, but I've been reading them so frequently, and I wish the DC could find a way to edit a little. It's not that hard. I saw it, and I wasn't even looking for it.

Says CUE member Judy Shattuck: "They just say we are not priority."

Um. Yeah. You aren't. You're pretty replaceable. Step one is noticing. Step two is realizing that they're going to act accordingly.

Clerical worker Stephanie Dorton: "We stay here because we support the students."

See other article on fee increases. Staying here and protesting leads to increased student fees. That's not very supportive.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 11:43:00 AM #
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OMG Republicans!

Breaking news:
Voting results are not perfect!

A group of UC Berkeley researchers released a study yesterday that claimed President Bush may have been awarded hundreds of thousands of excess votes in the southern state of Florida.

Wait, the southern state of Florida? I was thinking that they were talking about New England Florida. I'm glad they cleared that up for me.

“Our statistical approach is just about the only way we have to uncover what went on in Florida,” Hout said.

Somehow I think it's going to remain covered. Some folks in the Berkeley Blogscape are buzzing about this being important, but I expect that no one is really going to care. Well, except for the "partisan hacks," of course.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 11:39:00 AM #
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No LOL for this one

Fee increases!

"No, no, fee increases are bad, but I don't have a better idea. Hey, why won't you listen to me?"

“We’re really tired of lip service,” said Liz Hall, ASUC external affairs vice president. “It’s hard to continue fighting when they’re not fighting for us.”

Uhh... do I need to state the obvious? Let's go to Iraq. "It's hard to keep fighting these guys when they're not on our side." Yeah, that's sort of how fighting works.

The UC students, who came from campuses across the state, tore off their shirts over their clothes to show the regents that years of student fee increases were effectively stripping the shirts off students’ backs.

Strangely, I have not seen an increase in shirtless students on campus.

“You stand here and say that this university has quality,” said UC San Diego student Christopher Sweeten. “Quality is sitting right here, but quality is about to leave because quality can no longer afford to be here.”

Regent Bob Bobson then responded, "Well, okay, bye."

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/19/2004 11:34:00 AM #
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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Don't forget to bleed!

The Student Union Vampire is out again, drinking the blood of generous folks. I think I heard something about it being there tomorrow, too, but don't take my word for it. I'd donate, but I have a hard time carving six hour holes in my schedule.

Note that the Student Union Vampire is not the same as the Dwinelle Zombie. Please, please, please, be careful of the Dwinelle Zombie.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/18/2004 04:32:00 PM #
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LOL Black

Protest more! We'll listen, then.

Demonstrators, who came from a number of black student organizations, wore bandannas over their noses and mouths to symbolize being silenced by the campus community, said Raniyah Abdus-Samad, executive director of the Black Recruitment and Retention Center.

Eh... Chris at least used something which does silence people. A bandana over the face doesn't make you silent. It does, coincidentally, make you look like a terrorist.

“It’s hard when you’re one of two or three black people in a large class,” she said. “It’s hard when my professor starts talking about slavery and he looks straight at me. We’re looked at to explain all black issues.”

Ah, now this is an issue which I agree with. No individual can speak for an entire race. It may be, though, that the professor is more concerned about how the black students are going to react, in case they want to sue him or something for saying the wrong thing.

Three Heuristic Squelch writers said they were verbally assaulted while trying to distribute their magazine. They said they were forced to set up approximately 100 feet from their usual distribution spot, said Simon Ganz, the Squelch’s deputy creative editor.

A man who campus officials later said was unaffiliated with the Black Recruitment and Retention Center physically threatened Squelch distributors and flicked burning cigarette ash on them, said SQUELCH! Senator Ben Narodick.

“We couldn’t set up our booth in our usual spot,” Ganz said. “I’m sympathetic to the issues, but I’m not fond of the censorship.”

Wow, what a stupid comment by Simon. Censorship? Okay, I'm just kidding. Simon was talking about how earlier, some "whiny liberals" said that their distribution of the Squelch was somehow anti-protester or something. Read his comments here.

Anyway, that's pretty pathetic. "It's wrong that we're being silenced. Oh, and you over there, SILENCE!"

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/18/2004 01:52:00 PM #
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I didn't know you could sue yourself. Now I do.

Here's a fun picture It's a picture of some empty seats in the audience area of the City Council chambers, captioned "Empty seats at the City Council meeting will be filled by incoming council members." I don't think that's the kind of "empty seat" they're talking about.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/18/2004 01:48:00 PM #
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Schoolgirl giggle

Death Penalty Fatally Flawed. Hehe. Fatally.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/18/2004 01:45:00 PM #
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Am I the only one who thinks The Chron, of all entities,
complaining about groupthink is a bit funny?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/17/2004 09:55:00 PM #
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. . .

Stuff Part 5

"Shut up and deal." Sorry, that's reality. Selfishly trying to prevent people from suicide is no great moral issue, anyway.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/17/2004 06:50:00 PM #
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. . .

Stuff Part 4

It sucks to be black, I guess.
Calstuff has video of interviewing a protester about the black person protest thingie today. None of the subjects seemed to be on top of the issue, though, and just repeated broad platitudes without any real examples or solutions.

Reports of class disruption are referenced without any specifics. But class disruption isn't a punishable offense on this campus, so don't expect to hear more about this.

I picked up one of their flyers, and it was a laugh and a half. They have been "Silenced and Ignored." Note these examples of silencing: . Also present are claims of discrimination, examples listed here: .

Otherwise, we've got a list of "Solutions," none of which actually solve anything.

At least they recognize that African American studies is not a real major.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/17/2004 06:43:00 PM #
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Stuff Part 3

Quiz! Here are two comments about plagiarism:

“I would like to see much more rigorous prosecution of felons in this regard, a lot more expulsions. Cheating is the most serious kind of offense to the academic mission of the university.”

“This is a psychological problem, and my impulse is to cut people as much slack as possible. My impression is that there isn’t a whole lot of plagiarism in classes. I don’t worry about it. People know when they’re not furthering their own education.”

One comes from faculty in a real educational department (Chemistry), and one comes from faculty teaching a fake major (English). Can you guess which is which?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/17/2004 06:37:00 PM #
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. . .

Stuff Part 2

OMG Fee increases. That was unexpected. Totally.

“It really flies in the face of what is supposed to be a free higher education system in California,” said Jennifer Lilla, UC Students Association president. “Rather than making compromises, let’s talk about how can we get back to a funding situation in which the state is holding up its end of the deal.”

Uh, yeah, let's. So... uh... how do you plan on doing that? I know you wouldn't just complain about fee increases without having a plan for filling the money hole. That would be silly.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/17/2004 06:35:00 PM #
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. . .

Stuff Part 1

Shouldn't the science writers know something about science?

Hydrated electrons probed. And first paragraph:

An essential molecule making up 70% of human cells, water is harmless liquid—until there are electrons in its midst.

Chemistry types are already crying. Explain water's harmlessness to people who've drowned. Oh, wait, you can't, they're dead. But good Lord, stay away from water that has... gasp... ELECTRONS!!! It's not like every water molecule has ten or anything.

The rates of electron relaxation for both experiments were measured in femtoseconds, which is equivalent to 50 millionths of a billionth of a second.

Uh... uh... uh... Dude? 50 millionths of a billionth of a second is actually 50 femtoseconds.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/17/2004 06:29:00 PM #
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. . .
Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Oooh, that explains it

SoT columnist Sari Eitches (yeah, my sari itches, too, but you don't see me complaining about it) lists some on-campus sex locations, including:

4. Doe library—I hear Main Stacks B West is your best bet.

I had been wondering why there were notifications that access to the main stacks was for research purposes only.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/16/2004 11:52:00 AM #
Comments (0)
. . .

And dude, keep at least some banality

What the hell is going on
here? I don't even know if I should try to figure this one out. The person on the left is in America, I assume. The... uh... thing on the right is supposed to be an injured soldier? No, there's a sign, so he... she... uh... it must be a protester. Maybe it's Predator. The face sure as hell isn't human, and what's up with that left arm? So, I guess the thesis is troop-supporters at home and unidentifiable humanoid things agree that war is hell.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/16/2004 11:45:00 AM #
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. . .

Don't label me

The Daily Cal weighs in on multi-racial boxes.

UC Regent Ward Connerly’s proposal to add a “multiracial” check-box to UC admissions applications is a poor attempt to solve a larger problem: the U.S. Department of Education categorizes students under only one ethnicity.

Well, let's just keep in mind that we are UC, and not the U.S. Department of Education. It seems more likely to me that we'd be able to convince the Department of Education to accept "Multi-racial" than to convince them to start accepting multiple ethnicities. Again, I'm going to keep breaking from tradition and propose another solution: Press for both. If we only get "accept multi-racial," then we can use that. If we get everything we want, then woohoo. There's no reason to react with such hostility to this proposal, just because Ward likes it.

When the regents vote on this proposal tomorrow, they must turn it down—there are better ways to serve multiracial applicants than by simply placing them all in one umbrella category.

This argument would hold some water, except that multiracial applicants already have to be placed in one umbrella category. I don't see how picking a new, more accurate umbrella category is going to cost useful information.

Labeling all individuals who consider themselves part of more than one race with the term “multiracial” completely ignores the diversity of their multiple heritages.

Labelling all individuals of asian descent "Asian" ignores the diversity of various asian heritages. Labelling all individuals of European descent "White" ignores the diversity of various European heritages. Etc. Racial categories are already horrendously imprecise. Arguing that this new policy is imprecise is silly.

Everyone from the Multi-Cultural Students Union to ASUC to By Any Means Necessary has come out in opposition to this proposal...

They say that as if it's a good thing to be on the BAMN's side.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/16/2004 11:34:00 AM #
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. . .


I guess we just have differing ideas of excitement.

“The most exciting thing is that this [bookstore expansion, student union revitalization] is being funded by the students, not the university,” [ASUC Auxiliary Director Tom Cordi] said.

I don't think there was anything really wrong with things the way they were. Couldn't we use that money for better things? Like, giving it to me or something?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/16/2004 11:26:00 AM #
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. . .
Monday, November 15, 2004

Umm... sure

Cal Patriot blog? Why not? Well, I can think of a few reasons, but whatever.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/15/2004 07:34:00 PM #
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. . .

Zombie FAQ

The weird smell in Dwinelle is gone, so I can only assume the most logical explanation: The dead guy has arisen as a zombie and now wanders the halls of Dwinelle for all eternity. It is important for people to be alert and aware of this situation, so I have compiled a quick Zombie FAQ for your safety.

Do zombies really exist?
A zombie FAQ exists. Therefore it only makes sense that zombies exist.

What should I do if I see a zombie?
REPORT IT! Zombie sightings are woefully underreported. Check out this handy text-based chart:

Zombie Sighting Report Percentage1: 8%
Other Crime Report Percentage2: 100%

1 Data comes from comparing reports of number of zombie sightings reported and number of zombie sightings not reported. How did we get the number of zombie sightings not reported? Uh... umm.... Hey, look over there, a TBTN rally!!!
2 Data comes from various reports, showing no unreported crimes.

Don't become a statistic. Report zombie sightings immediately.

Wait, is being a zombie really a crime?
Legal experts differ on this subject. Which legal experts? Uh... you know... "Experts." The anonymous kind that newspaper reporters quote when they just want to state their interpretations. Anyway, a being a zombie creates a bureacratic nightmare, and also deprives hard-working undertakers of their work. Therefore, being a zombie is criminal.

Do zombies eat brains?
Only the spiteful ones do. Most dead people are spiteful, however, so it's safe to wear protective brain covers when zombies may be nearby.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood... and there were zombies around.
Uh... seventeen units of wood. Units are of appropriate scale.

How do you get rid of zombies?
Under no circumstances should you attempt to remove a zombie infestation without proper training. I won't even give you any ideas, so you don't get it into your head to try.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/15/2004 07:12:00 PM #
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. . .

Quote of the day

Democrats, you better get yourselves a magic shield, because in Congress, Bush has plus three to hit.

(The article doesn't actually talk about politics in D&D terms, though, so you'll be disappointed if you follow the link)

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/15/2004 07:08:00 PM #
Comments (0)
. . .

LOL Ward Connerly and Race

Ward wants a MultiRacial category on college applications. The usual people are protesting. I don't quite get why, though.

“Multiracial people are very diverse and lumping us in a box would really cut down on the accuracy of the data,” said Ai-Ling Malone, president of the [Multi-Cultural Student Union].

I assume that's the argument. But I don't quite get it, because even if they do mark all the boxes they like, Cal only reports one to the feds.

“(The proposal) denies students and the population at large the right to hold UC accountable to ensuring that we have an actual representative student body that reflects our state’s population,” said BAMN member and ASUC Senator Yvette Felarca. “To me it’s sort of like a softer version of Prop. 54 because it’s hiding information—it doesn’t clarify anything.”

Well, I suppose, but then, picking just one race when you're multiracial also hides things.

In a break from tradition, I'm going to offer solutions:

a) Let people mark all the boxes they want AND mark multiracial. Cal gets data about all the nationalities the applicant claims, and the feds can get a more accurate, if imprecise, measure. (but then, most racial categories are horrendously imprecise, anyway)

b) Let the application ask the question of race seperately from the question of "race for federal reporting purposes."

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/15/2004 06:57:00 PM #
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. . .
Saturday, November 13, 2004

Even better

After their two-year-old ARAFAT DEAD headline, The Chron outdoes itself with an even larger, half page headline: GUILTY. In real news... well, you'll have to buy the paper to look at the bottom half for that.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/13/2004 05:14:00 PM #
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. . .
Friday, November 12, 2004


See if you can identify what's wrong here:

"We give out so many services for the homeless. Why is it that our homeless problem is getting worse? It's almost as if they're attracted to here. Well, only one thing to do. More services!"

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/12/2004 01:41:00 PM #
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. . .


"Regular contributor" Andrew F. Adams says... wait for it... wait for it...
"Bush is bad." Wow, I totally didn't see that coming. He's never written anything like that before.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/12/2004 01:39:00 PM #
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. . .

LOL Cartoonist

Jessica Rifkind needs to actually look at people sometime. Then she might realize that the facial expressions of the people (and even the dog) in this cartoon don't look anything like what she's aiming for. The folks in prison should be desperate or something, instead they look sinister, as if the dog is in prison and they're just students tormenting it, perhaps planning some horrible deed once they catch the dog. The dog doesn't have any teeth, which makes you wonder what exactly the key ring is hanging on. You might wonder why the dog is "UCB Residence Halls" instead of the prison, when the dog actually represents Housing and Dining Services. Also of note: If we extrapolate, we see that the girl has five digits on each hand, the guy on the left has four, and the guy on the right has three (on average).

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/12/2004 09:30:00 AM #
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. . .

For great understanding

The Volokh Conspiracy points to an interesting letter, entitled "Letter To John Perry Barlow From A Pot-Smoking Deadhead Bush Voter." For those of you wondering "How could people vote for Bush?" it's an interesting read.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/12/2004 09:16:00 AM #
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. . .
Thursday, November 11, 2004

LOL Dead

Another famous guy I don't know dies. The Chron summarizes it the way a 2-year-old might with a gigantic headline that reads: ARAFAT DEAD. Also, FIRE BAD and ME TALL.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/11/2004 04:00:00 PM #
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. . .

A brief lesson on scale

Examiner, on dispute over vote counting:

"We're demanding an impartial and immediate investigation, a citizen's review, and if that doesn't happen immediately, we're demanding the electoral vote be suspended until it's done," said one organizer, Eileen Rose.

We're demanding something. If we don't get that, we're demanding something even more ridiculous. This is not how compromise works.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/11/2004 03:57:00 PM #
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. . .
Wednesday, November 10, 2004


There were not
200 high- and middle school students rallying yesterday. Not even close.

Protest leaders and BAMN members said they felt the protest was successful though there are still no concrete plans to increase enrollment among underrepresented minority students.

So, uh, even though we haven't done anything, we think our protest was successful in, uh, you know... giving us something to pass the time with... and maybe helping get fresh air... and... uh...

In the end, the Oakland students who missed class to protest were most optimistic about future enrollment.

“Students at Piedmont get it easier than Tech students. We have to work harder than they do,” said Christina Laurence, a junior at Oakland Tech. “I just hope they’ll hear us out, and I hope they’ll do something about it.”

Apparently, it's not hard enough. If you really had to work harder, you wouldn't be able to skip classes so easily.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/10/2004 01:54:00 PM #
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. . .

Breaking News!!!

This just in: It smells like something died in Dwinelle. I'd tell you where, but I'm not properly trained to describe locations in Dwinelle.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/10/2004 01:53:00 PM #
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. . .

Just to restate

Redoing the SAT was stooopid. Seriously, if you recognize the flaws and limitations in the SAT's ability to assess incoming student abilities, don't weight it as much. If you like subject-based testing, weight the SATII's more. Changing the SAT, though, is silly. Making it more like the SATII is redundant. Adding a writing section is a total waste. (NOBODY cares what happens in writing sections on standardized tests on the scale of the SAT)

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/10/2004 01:51:00 PM #
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. . .

Oh, no! Contracts are contractual?

Mid-semester housing puts people planning on ditching the evils of the dorms in a spot. They can't leave because they have contracts.

Apparently, people think that students are now stuck because they can't break their contracts. Since they could break their contracts without cost to the university, students have been allowed to break them as a matter of courtesy, but the way some of the commenters in this article come off, some folks seem to think that contract-breaking is a right.

You don’t know how you’ll enjoy dorm life,” [Lena Silver] said. “What is a freshman supposed to say? You should try the dorms. Maybe it’ll be a wonderful situation for you. But I don’t think it’s their right to restrict my movement and my living situation and give me the financial burden.”

Well, one of the things that restricts your movement and your living situation is a contract. Signed by the student. That is, Ms. Silver restricted her own movement and living situation, as do most people who rent places to live. It has nothing to do with the university's "rights" to be bound to a contract with them.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/10/2004 01:46:00 PM #
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. . .
Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Search of the day

employees needed for peter jollys circus

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/09/2004 04:33:00 PM #
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. . .

Oooh, kinky

Suprisingly, one of the Vice Chancellors (I'm not sure which) actually spoke to the protesters outside of California Hall. He said some stuff about "The Chancellor believes blah blah blah is disappointed at the low numbers blah blah blah only been here for a month blah blah blah." Then people heckled him a little, and then he went back inside.

Afterwards, people were angry that they didn't even get a straight answer and that he stuttered. Yes, he stuttered, that's an insult to the black community. Nevermind that the woman complaining about his stuttering was also stuttering. But no straight answer, that's harsh. They were totally expecting:

A) Yes, I will support affirmative action in violation of state law, or

B) No, I will oppose affirmative action while talking to an angry mob of black protesters.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/09/2004 01:36:00 PM #
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. . .

LOL Felarca

I attended the rally for a few minutes. There were at most 100 students, mostly from middle schools. Yvette Felarca was supposed to introduce some people singing the "Black National Anthem" (I think it's a new AffAct fad) but her "introduction" turned into an amazingly annoying and insane rant. Her screaming is physically painful with its absurdity and horrendous emphasis on every other word. "I like to EAT COOKIES!!!" I had to leave before hearing the Black National Anthem which I was actually curious about, and heard her complaining about Iraq or something as I left.


"What do we want?"
"When do we want it?"
Beetle's free advice: Go to school, then. Don't skip it to come to a pointless protest.

The point was, supposedly, to convince Chancellor Bob 2.0 to make sure that racism in K-12 doesn't translate to college. How exactly that's supposed to happen is a mystery to me, and you might expect that the solution would be to fight racism in K-12, but whatever.

Somewhere along the line, BAMN added "Immigrant Rights" to their already overloaded plate of "Stuff to complain about."

The low numbers of admits of black students is apparently a "scandal" and an "injustice of historical proportions." It's too boring to be a scandal, in my opinion, and frankly, history isn't even going to notice. But they insist that they "aren't going to tolerate this any longer." In what manner will they not tolerate it? Beats the crap out of me. Maybe that's what they're planning. It doesn't get them education, though.

They want Chancellor Bob 2.0 to "Make sure this campus looks like Oakland next year." Well, somebody had better start the gangs, quick. Distribute more guns so we can shoot each other with more ease. Also, make sure everybody becomes really poor. Seriously, I thought the complaint is that Oakland is horrible. Why would we want to make more places like Oakland? Where are black students going to escape to if Berkeley becomes Oakland? "Yay, we've finally made it out of Oakland's hellish system and into... oh, wait, another system exactly like Oakland's."

Well, whatever. They're marching to California Hall where the Chancellor almost certainly is not.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/09/2004 01:18:00 PM #
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. . .

Fight for equality!

The affirmative action crowd is throwing a party today to demand the usual stuff, except it's shifted from "Kick Ward Connerly out for disagreeing with us!!!" to "Don't reappoint Ward Connerly because he disagrees with us!!!" It remains to be seen if they'll be busing in looters... oh, wait, I mean, busing in law-abiding high school students who want to leave behind the uselessness of actually learning something in school that could help them get a career, and instead will very usefully scream at nobody for a few hours here in Berkeley. I'll stop by, but I don't think I'll be marching with them to wherever they're marching to.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/09/2004 11:46:00 AM #
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. . .

More giggling

SF School Lady Arlene Ackerman is trying to overhaul the schools that, you know, totally suck. But there's some resistance.

"They're making us feel like we're dumb," said Luis Hernandez, a junior at John O'Connell High, one of the future Dream Schools. "There's all these schools they could pick on, but they pick on O'Connell because we have low test scores."

Uhh... dude, that's sort of the point. If this is the quality of analysis that comes out of these schools, there's a hell of a long way to go. Allow me to summarize the possibilities:

A) You are dumb, so there's really nothing we can do. Have fun flipping burgers for the rest of your life.

B) You aren't dumb, it's just that your school sucks horribly. In which case, we need to change your school so it doesn't suck as much, and then maybe you can use your not-dumbness to do something useful.

Oh, yeah, and racist tests. Because we all know only white people can divide four by five.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/09/2004 11:42:00 AM #
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. . .


Nicholas Smith wants an omniscient President. Vote God!

No offense, but a President should not have to rely on advisors to tell him what’s going on, then make a “decisive” decision.

Yep. Advisors don't know anything. We should have a president who knows more about everything than everyone else. Specialist advisors who can actually focus on particular areas? What a waste. Seriously.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/09/2004 11:39:00 AM #
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. . .
Monday, November 08, 2004


National AIDS day is coming up, I guess, or maybe it already passed. I guess you rape an African or something to celebrate. I saw a sign in Dwinelle advertising AIDS quilt committees or some such. It informed us that "Women and girls are bearing the brunt of the AIDS epidemic. About half of all people with AIDS are female." Oh, noes! Half! That's a huge proportion!

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/08/2004 06:35:00 PM #
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. . .

Geez, was I in danger

Seminary dispute!!! Okay, not too interesting yet, but consider this: on the first block of Hillegas, travelling South, the American Baptist Seminary of the West is the first thing you see on your left, and Le Chateau is the last thing you see on your left. Those are some picky neighbors.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/08/2004 06:32:00 PM #
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. . .

I'm coming, I'm coming

The MPAA is firing a broadside over the bow of the movie pirates. Read the rest of this post in a pirate accent.

MPAA President Dan Glickman: “In Kansas, where I am from, we try to close the barn door before the horse is out.”

In Kansas, where I am from, if we can't ever take our horse out of the barn, there's not much use in keeping it. Or something. I never even saw a barn in all the time I spent in Kansas, though, so I wouldn't really know.

“It is a scary thing, but a lot of people are still getting away with it,” said sophomore Brian Yangyuen. “I just think it will just make me more careful in the future.”

Beetle's suggestion for being more careful in the future: Don't suggest that you're illegally downloading movies when talking to a newspaper.

“These changes will definitely have a significantly detrimental effect on people’s privacy, people’s right to speak and people’s right to access information,” said Laura Quilter, an attorney at the Technology and Public Policy Clinic at UC Berkeley.

Oh, damn, that's some dangerous stuff. Why, if people know whether I'm illegally downloading movies, I'll never be able to speak or access information again!!! Oh, wait, that doesn't make any fucking sense. That's what happens when you let women talk about computers.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/08/2004 06:27:00 PM #
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. . .
Friday, November 05, 2004

LOL stupid editor

SFBG editor predicts Kerry victory. Okay, whatever.

But I have to say, on the eve of the election, I'm somewhat boggled by the way some of the newspapers in the Bay Area (and elsewhere in the country) have handled their presidential endorsements.

Almost all the major dailies around the Bay Area are supporting Kerry. The San Francisco Chronicle is strongly for Kerry. Oddly, the Los Angeles Times as of press time had endorsed nobody.

Even more oddly, the San Francisco Examiner endorsed both, or maybe neither, in a weird editorial pointing out the good and bad about each. That's beyond lame.

And then we have our ol' pals at the SF Weekly, who, in this critical election, are sitting it out entirely. Even today, with the incredible stakes, they won't take a stand. The only endorsement that managed to sneak into the Weekly was in Dan Savage's sex column. (He's backing Kerry.)

Well, you know, Mr. Redmond, the thing about real news organizations and alt-weeklies is that they have a bunch of people on their staffs who don't all march in lockstep. It helps give the paper some diversity of opinion. One of the consequences of this, though, is that sometimes it isn't really reasonable to give an "Opinion of the paper" when the staff has such diversity of thought. The Examiner went farther and figured "Gee, instead of just giving a one-sided endorsement, we'll write what we feel about the candidates." Oh, but that's lame, I see. Too informative. We need more foaming at the mouth from our news sources.

Bubbles are fun.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/05/2004 10:44:00 PM #
Comments (0)
. . .

Big books!

I noticed that The Principles of Neuroscience is a really, really big book. So is The Norton Shakespeare. Can you think of any bigger books used here at Cal?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/05/2004 04:55:00 PM #
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. . .

Oops, silly me

I said some local tax measures passed. I didn't pay enough attention to realize that these measures need 2/3 of the vote to pass. Whoops.

In the end, only measure B passed.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/05/2004 11:36:00 AM #
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. . .

Oh, no!!!

Not enough young people voted!!! It's a tragedy!!! We're all going to die!!!

Given the historically low turnout within this age group, apathy is expected but still unacceptable.

In what way is it unacceptable? I can tell you right now that George Bush accepts youth apathy. That makes it acceptable. Give me something to vote for, maybe I'll vote.

President Bush has the ability to instate a draft, as well as place restrictions on abortions—issues that heavily impact U.S. youth.

The draft doesn't impact young women. Abortions certainly don't impact young men. Do abortions heavily impact young women? Most young women that I know are able to avoid the necessity of abortions completely. Certainly those in college usually do.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/05/2004 11:28:00 AM #
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. . .
Thursday, November 04, 2004

Boo hoo

Oh, no!

A former house manager of Le Chateau, Sophie Gross, testified that the neighbors “destroyed her life for the summer” when she served as house manager. She would “burst into tears” every time she received a page from one of the neighbors making a noise complaint.

Maybe you should have either a) lived somewhere that didn't piss everyone else off, or b) not been a manager. But hey, crying solves problems.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/04/2004 09:28:00 PM #
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. . .


Who knew post-election coverage would be so boring? There's very little interesting to read in the news.

This isn't gay marraige. I think Newsom is going to lose by taking a side in the hotel pickets. But that's just my rather uninformed position.

Funny! Gary Huygen writes about how horrible things are going to be with four more years of badness, including "Four more years of a new draft?" Yeah, that's right. We're going to have four more years of a new draft, just like the last four years of a new draft.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/04/2004 01:03:00 PM #
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. . .
Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Election results

The bad local news: We have a male City Councilmember named Laurie. How humiliating. Who wants to place bets on the number of times someone gets his gender wrong?

In good news, the utility tax, measure J, did not pass. But the measures that taxed those evil, horrible property owners fared not bad.

Statewide propositions: Californians as a whole, however, voted to SPEND SPEND SPEND in this time of poor fiscal security. Hospital grants, mental health research, and stem cell research all got Yessed.

Prop 65, which had been completely dropped, still managed to get 37.5% of the vote.

Prop 60 won handily in all counties. Prop 62 did not win statewide, preventing us from laughing too hard, but six counties managed to vote yes for both. Well done!

The Daily Cal brings us "Voices of the Vote!" Says Third year MassComm/English major Angela Natividad:

"I voted for Bush because Kerry is too idealistic for my country."

Uhhhhhhhhhhh... okay, then.

In general, though... Bushz0r3d!!!

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/03/2004 05:46:00 PM #
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. . .

Campus corpse

I'm hearing very uncomfirmed reports of a dead body near VLSB.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/03/2004 05:44:00 PM #
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. . .

Recommendations for a better election

Coverage: In the electoral vote counting graph thingie on most news websites, there's a picture of Bush and Kerry, and they're smiling. What they should do is get some pictures with their faces in various states of joy and adjust the pictures accordingly. When Pennsylvania was going Kerry, Bush's picture would lose some of its smile. When Florida went Bush, Kerry would have a long face (no pun intended). Right now, it would show Bush grinning and Kerry frowning, or crying, if possible. But that's just me.

Concession: Prank concession calls! Call your opponent and concede defeat, but then declare victory to the news media.

Better Campaigning: Maybe Democrats could run a campaign of "not pissing everyone off."

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/03/2004 05:33:00 PM #
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. . .
Tuesday, November 02, 2004

And if you're curious

Locally, looks like Prop Q is getting raped.

The local tax measures aren't faring that well, either.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 11:12:00 PM #
Comments (0)
. . .

Should Kerry concede?

Johnny K. looks set to pursue some action in Ohio. Let's face it, though. He's probably going to lose after a long and boring legal battle.

With that in mind, would it be better for Kerry to give up and concede, for the sake of the country?

Update, with 41.2% precincts reporting, yes on...
Prop 60: 67.0%
Prop 62: 46.5%
Prop 65: 37.7%
It's not looking promising, California)

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 11:03:00 PM #
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. . .


Dear Guardian:

How does it feel to have possibly handed the election to Bush? Hahah. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, man. HAHahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, I'm so sure this one fits the definition of irony.

The only change on 2000 came in vote-splitting Maine - one of two states that allocates electoral votes proportionally - when one of its four votes went to Mr Bush.

Uh... Maine doesn't allocate electoral votes proportionally, it allocates them by district and at large. And none of its votes went to Bush this time. In the future, before trying to intervene in our elections, The Guardian may wish to consider learning something about America, lest it accidentally cause the opposite of what it desires. Hehehe. HahahahahAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, man, that's classic.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 10:47:00 PM #
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. . .


So, it's probably too early for this, and I should probably wait until the lawsuits get rejected, and maybe I should wait a bit on Ohio, but I'm going to hit the hay and assume Bush won. (But I don't object to a morning suprise) Republicans also made gains in Congress, it seems.

I can't wait for the reaction from the locals, though. That'll make four more years of Republican leadership worthwhile.

Funnily, Bush looks set to win the popular vote with a majority, something Clinton never pulled off.

We'll see how Props 60, 62, and 65 turnout, and use that to judge just how idiotic we Californians are.

Also: If you're an exit pollster, you're fired.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 10:02:00 PM #
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Just to draw your attention to...

The Secretary of State reports, with 6% of precincts reporting:

Prop 60 (1269196 votes total):
Yes: 67.9%

Prop 62 (1326096 votes total):
Yes: 48.3%

So, I suppose some people may have voted for only one of the propositions, but, uh... unless that number's pretty high we're looking at a lot of people voting yes on both 60 and 62.

Update: I said it as a joke, but prop 62 is dangerously close to the 50% mark. If both 60 and 62 pass, we're not going to have much right to complain about how everyone else is uninformed. (Because dude, that's the only reason they'd ever vote Bush. Really.)

Also, Prop 65 is polling at about 30-something percent. That's pretty impressive for a proposition with no proponents.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 08:37:00 PM #
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So... uh... are you... you know... male?

The growing fluidity of gender as a concept may lead to some confusion when it comes to exit polling in the future. One wonders whether pollsters are going to be able to bring themselves to ask things like "Are you male?" to a person standing right in front of them. Exit polls of the future:

Males: 48%
Females: 51%
Other: 1%

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 05:26:00 PM #
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Dudes (and dudettes) in army fatigues running around with their guns on campus for some reason? Whatever.

CalDems folks handing out flyers at the very narrow entrance to the polling place on College between Bancroft and Durant? Not my problem.

Loud Get Out the Vote folks? Just shut up, please.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 03:48:00 PM #
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Strangely enough, all of those fancy-shmancy vote-reporting pages on our major newssites include Ralph Nader, but none of the other more interesting and more "On most states' ballots" candidates are included. Why not? They have feelings, too. Also, this year, they'll probably do better than Nader in many places.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 01:52:00 PM #
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The message here? Possibilities:

Vote is a stalker who likes kids named "Young Vote."

Vote is trying to keep Young Vote away from the polls.

Vote is a character in some feel-good movie about poverty-stricken black Young Vote clawing his way out of his lot because of the strong support of a well-intentioned but ignorant white benefactor.

Make sure you support trees measures, because this place is desolate.

Polling places should be located in the middle of nowhere, with long, symbolic roads leading to them and lone trees added for feeling.

Younger people don't have joints in their legs.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 11:06:00 AM #
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Also, BUSH BAD!!!

Getting their final shot in,
The Daily Cal publishes another "Bush is bad" letter (last one on the page). Jonathan Muzinich is no Andrew F. Adams, though. He raises some important questions.

Who knew what, and when?

Well, I learned about basic differentiation some seven years ago or so. I know a girl who knew the basics of heat transfer when I asked her last year. Also, some of my professors have known about optimization methods for, like, decades.

George W. Bush has failed the essential test of any Commander-in-Chief—to keep America and its citizens safe.

Because, you know, look at all those terrorist attacks we've been suffering.

Did President Bush’s failure to listen to General Shinseki and others about the troop levels that would be needed to secure Iraq?

This one's my personal favorite. 38 points to whoever can answer it. 67 for whoever can understand it.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 11:01:00 AM #
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Haha, news, good one

The Daily Cal considers Daily Kos to be a news site. Daily Kos is, of course, one of many "OMG, people who disagree with me are sooooo st0000pid" political blogs. If that makes it a news site, then... uh... wow. Heck, that would make Beetle Beat a news site.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 10:59:00 AM #
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There seems to be a lot of buzz around about something going on today. Beats me what it is. While people are doing by-the-second updates on news outlets and blogs everywhere, I just want to sit tight and wait before reading anything. Then I can hear everyone whine later, all in one place, rather than getting it gradually.

I noticed some girls in a golf-cart-like-thingie driving around, blowing their horn, and shouting "REMEMBER TO VOTE" and all. This just reconfirms my decision not to vote. Do you really think annoying people enough will get them to vote, even though voting isn't going to stop you from annoying them?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/02/2004 10:55:00 AM #
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Monday, November 01, 2004

But honestly, who doesn't hate women?


Karen Humphreys, a former associate director for student services and Olympic swimming gold medalist, charged former Athletic Director Steven Gladstone and Associate Athletic Director Mark Stephens with laying her off out of seniority order because she was a woman and because she blew the whistle on potential NCAA violations.

That just goes to show you, don't blow whistles. It's impolite. Anyway, here's some evidence:

Stephens, a top candidate to succeed Gladstone, was passed over last month in favor of Sandy Barbour, an associate athletic director from the University of Notre Dame.

Yep, they lack respect for women so much that they passed her over and instead chose... uh... well... another woman.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/01/2004 06:37:00 PM #
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Haha, yeah right

Aaron Azlant predicts President Kerry would admit mistakes. Laugh at him.

He will also make smarter appointments, listen to his staff, admit mistakes and in general be the only candidate with a general worldview that has advanced beyond the 13th century.

Somewhere, Nader is crying.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/01/2004 06:35:00 PM #
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Why not?

If I was in charge of polls in a state, I'd make sure my state's polls closed at midnight, since the media doesn't report results until polls close. Sadly, this is not being done. Why not? Isn't spiting the media far more important than whatever reasons people give for having polls close at a reasonable hour?

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/01/2004 06:33:00 PM #
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Quick Election Guide

Tired of digging through the mess of slanted opinions to find out how to vote on your favorite issues? Beetle Beat presents the one-sentence position summary on various controversial issues:

President/Vice President
Bush: God damn, I hate those damn liberals.
Kerry: Generic, non-denominational, and possibly nonexistent diety damn, I hate those damn conservatives.

U.S. Senator
Barbara Boxer: I support Barbara Boxer.
Other guy: I oppose Barbara Boxer.

Prop 60 (Keep primary system the same)
Yes: OMG, my party is doomed if this passes!!!
No: I don't really feel like changing the constitution, what with the paperwork and all.

Prop 62 (Blanket primaries)
Yes: G'hehe... I can totally shut out the other party with this one.
No: See Prop 60, yes.

Prop 66 (Three Strikes Reform)
Yes: I don't like thinking about things in context, so I'll just throw a hysterical fit when I hear about someone going to jail for 25 years for stealing a toaster.
No: Bad things should happen to bad people.

Measure Q (Prostitution decriminalization)
Yes: Read No. That's the position of "The Man." I want to oppose "The Man."
No: Ewwwwwww. Prostitution.

We hope this has been helpful.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/01/2004 01:48:00 PM #
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