Zombie FAQ The weird smell in Dwinelle is gone, so I can only assume the most logical explanation: The dead guy has arisen as a zombie and now wanders the halls of Dwinelle for all eternity. It is important for people to be alert and aware of this situation, so I have compiled a quick Zombie FAQ for your safety. Do zombies really exist? A zombie FAQ exists. Therefore it only makes sense that zombies exist. What should I do if I see a zombie? REPORT IT! Zombie sightings are woefully underreported. Check out this handy text-based chart: Zombie Sighting Report Percentage1: 8% Other Crime Report Percentage2: 100% 1 Data comes from comparing reports of number of zombie sightings reported and number of zombie sightings not reported. How did we get the number of zombie sightings not reported? Uh... umm.... Hey, look over there, a TBTN rally!!! 2 Data comes from various reports, showing no unreported crimes. Don't become a statistic. Report zombie sightings immediately. Wait, is being a zombie really a crime? Legal experts differ on this subject. Which legal experts? Uh... you know... "Experts." The anonymous kind that newspaper reporters quote when they just want to state their interpretations. Anyway, a being a zombie creates a bureacratic nightmare, and also deprives hard-working undertakers of their work. Therefore, being a zombie is criminal. Do zombies eat brains? Only the spiteful ones do. Most dead people are spiteful, however, so it's safe to wear protective brain covers when zombies may be nearby. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood... and there were zombies around. Uh... seventeen units of wood. Units are of appropriate scale. How do you get rid of zombies? Under no circumstances should you attempt to remove a zombie infestation without proper training. I won't even give you any ideas, so you don't get it into your head to try. posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 11/15/2004 07:12:00 PM # Comments (0) . . .
