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Nap Time!!!

Thursday, May 08, 2008
Oh, Malley

Becky O'Malley has a pretty funny editorial today. Let me see if I can summarize it.

The reason that guy got stabbed was because he's in a frat. Frats are the same as gangs, but white. They also deal drugs like gangs, because there were some frats somewhere that dealt drugs.

By the way, violence surrounding drug crime occurs because of capitalism. Allowing people to buy and sell drugs (capitalism) is why violence occurs. The fact that the government has disallowed the use of capitalism to distribute drugs doesn't detract from this.

But since frats are officially recognized, the university should just ban them. By making them illegal, no one will join organizations like that, in much the same way that nobody joins illegal gangs. This despite the desire for gang-like groups by young men.

It's almost boilerplate "I see a problem related to something, so let's get rid of it, and no one will ever change their behavior in response to the changes we make besides simply not participating in what we got rid of" policy argumentation.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 5/08/2008 06:18:00 PM #
Comments (4)
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i like how she brought up hillary clinton in an article about a stabbing in berkeley
Bravo, Becky O' Malley. Bra-Fucking-Vo.

I mean, it's one thing to so blatantly trivialize the death of a young man for your own cause. To be fair, I didn't know Chris, so I can't necessarily defend him, but neither did you, did you Becky? The integrity you showed by quoting an outdated MySpace diary of an account you have no way of confirming and portraying Chris as as some of thug based on pure speculation of the events leading up to his death was astonishing. You made sure you did not tarnish your objective view by not once showing one bit of remorse for the death of this "boy", as you so cleverly referred to him, beyond once calling it "tragic". An amazing feat of journalism, I must say.

And, that would have been enough. Except then your writing transcends to a whole new level. You imply that alcohol was involved in the murder through a second-hand account at the Julia Morgan Theater of unidentified people purchasing kegs of beer. I mean, no other media outlet or public report has confirmed that Chris was drunk - but you were very cleverly able to deduce this crucial piece of information.

And then, suddenly, you provide us with an unsourced first person account of what actually happened that night. Chris and his friends clearly got "disrespected", surrounded this one knife-wielding man, went to attack him for the thrill of it, and in self-defense the victim of this one-on-twenty brawl lashed out and stabbed Chris. It's like you were actually there, the facts seem so real. I mean, you just can't make this stuff up.

And just when you think it can't get any better, the triumphant feat: comparing fraternities to gangs. You show that the drug dealing that occurs 500 miles away at San Diego State clearly represents the exact same things that occur at Berkeley because, well, you say they do. And fraternities, originally formed and run with the purpose of community service and promoting religious faiths, are clearly the same intents followed by gangs which use ideology to brainwash members to promote violent criminal activity. To think, no one had saw it before, but you, Becky, you made it so clear to us.

So to solve this problem, you propose to ban fraternities from the University of California. An excellent solution. Declaring gang affiliations illegal and deploying special anti-gang task force groups decimated the gang population overnight in our inner cities. Why shouldn't similar tactics cure underage drinking and juvenile behavior?

I wish I had time to analyze some of the other finer points of your writing, like your implication that all gang warfare is between "colored kids" and all fraternity members are white. Or that amazing story about your friend Chester. Or the insightful way gender politics are infused with your work. But I'm sure you already know how great your writing is, and so does the Berkeley Daily Planet. I'm sure they're holding off the hordes of respectable publications trying to woo your talents to green pastures. I can only hope that you continue to serve the Berkeley community in the intelligent, non-partisan, and insightful way that you have served us in the past.


A Fan
Becky leaves hope in the minds of indecisive seniors wondering whether they will ever be employable. If she can do it, by golly so can I!
She also compared the stabbing to both Romeo and Juliet and Westside Story in the same sentence. (Westside Story is based on Romeo and Juliet.)
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