Monday, July 25, 2005
We don't get it, and we don't want to
(Vacation cancelled)
Some dead guy asks the question: Is it really that crazy to want to die?
Now, Bob Stern is lame, and full of shit when he says his decision was "rational." It wasn't. But that doesn't necessarily mean that it was wrong. Desires, pain, happiness, sadness, none of it is rational, but it's still important and shouldn't be dismissed when it comes to making life choices.
Was he depressed? Maybe. Susan Stern, his daughter, reacted as follows: "Hey, I can do a documentary project out of this. Thanks, dad!" so that should give you some idea of what kind of family he led.
Still, the response from people and their knee-jerk objection to suicide always amazes me.
In my 30 years of research, I've never seen a rational suicide," said Dr. Donna Cohen, newly elected president of the American Association of Suicidology and a professor at the University of South Florida.
Cohen declined to weigh in on the particulars of Stern's death, but she has screened Stern's movie in her classes.
Translation: Because I don't believe there can be a rational suicide, this was not a rational suicide. Thanks, doctor. Also, "suicidology" exists.
Stern may embody not the unique but the tragically common: the depressed and vulnerable older white man.
Why is it tragic? Sure, it's easy to act all detached-like and say "I understand everyone else's head, and thus can pass judgment," but what about those folks who really are old white men? Don't they get a say in their life? What are you if you're an old white man? What is it that defines a man? What are they supposed to do when that's gone? "Gee, I'm nobody and my life is meaningless, but it's still life, so I'll keep going, because living for the sake of living is totally worth it. Whee!"
This striking pattern could make solutions easier to reach.
We have already assumed that it's a problem that needs solving. Excellent. What if it's not? What if these people are right, that the best thing for them really is to go off themselves? Can we really sidestep that question with lame excuses like "Oh, no, she's not rational, don't listen to her, she's depressed"?
No, no, the appropriate response is the one from Wesley J. Smith, anti-assisted suicide dude:
"If you end up with a public policy around rational suicide, you might as well throw suicide prevention in the trash," Smith said in a phone interview. "If a mental health professional gets in the business of stamping suicide, it's abandonment."
Abandonment. Because we should totally be saving these people from themselves. No one should have to die just because someone wants her dead. Even if that someone is the person who is dying. "Oh, good, we've saved her from death, despite the fact that she doesn't want to live anymore. For a few years, anyway. This is much better."
"He was seeing doctors, and, as the movie shows, his PSA level (an indicator of prostate cancer) was going up, and he's not doing anything about it," Cohen said. "Physicians were not engaged in his care -- although clearly, he didn't let them get engaged. I'm convinced that no doctor could have prevented Bob Stern's death.
"But the fact remains, nobody tried."
And everyone ended up getting what they wanted. Yay! Cause for celebration! Wait, this is an objection?
And, as the documentary shows, the values of American masculinity are at increasing odds with the reality of aging. In this context, Bob Stern's death could be seen as irrational and perhaps preventable.
Oh, okay. "His wishes totally don't matter, they're being influenced by the culture he lives in." Hey, I've got a craaaaazy suggestion. Maybe we should consider the culture that we believe in and that greatly influences our lives when we decide things.
But, as in every suicide, questions remain. Most of all: What if he had talked about getting sick and old instead of rejecting the prospect out of hand?
Yes, if only we had more opportunities to guilt him into living a life he didn't want to live. That would've been preferable.
"The issue is why are they doing what they're doing and what our responsibilities are as a community toward these people," Cohen said. "Rational or not, do you really have to do this?"
Maybe it's not an issue of whether they have to do it or not. Maybe it's an issue of whether they want to do it or not.
But hey, who am I to ask these questions. Alive>Dead. Start there. And beginning with that unproven, unfounded, irrational hypothesis, determine if a person's actions are rational. They're not? What a shock!
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