Thursday, July 21, 2005
Time to start learning about alcohol
Recap: Yesterday, I decided to take the AlcoholEdu course to make sure I was fully informed about alcohol use. After filling out a survey, and taking a pre-test... a long pre-test, I didn't do so well. Clearly, I've got some learning to do.
This post is pretty long, so I'm going to try to use a fold. (Okay, that's as good as I can get it. It's too picky for me.)
Click here!
Chapter 1: Shaping Our Decisions
(Note: All pictures are from Outside the Classroom, Inc., so there's prolly some copyright infringement going on here.)
The first thing they want to know is about my family. They have three open-ended questions, and then a blank space for typing in an answer. Yeah, I'll do that. The questions are... uh...
When you were growing up, how did your family feel about drinking?
You know, it never came up. We were too drunk to talk about it.
Was your family environment positive or negative?
Isn't that question kind of... overly structured? I mean, my environment had positive and negative aspects. At least, I assume so. I don't remember much of it.
Do you remember anything that happened in your family that made a strong impression on you and affected your decisions about drinking?
Yeah, my parents once said "drinking too much is bad for you." And I'm a rebel. So look at me now! Over 2 gallons of 40% liquor in one minute!
Next they want to see how competition fits in.
Have you ever had to make a decision – or been challenged about your decision –about drinking in a competitive environment, such as whether to participate in a drinking game?
A drinking game? That's no decision at all. I'm in!
How do you think competition – or the context you were in – influenced your final decision?
I remember this part of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." In retrospect, guessing randomly at $16,000 when I had no idea was probably a bad idea, but the rules were "chug if you lose $15,000 because of your stupidity," and I couldn't pass that up.
On to the flash video. I should mention that they work advertisements for AlcoholEdu in their courses. "There's a reason so many colleges and universities have chosen to use AlcoholEdu."
Apparently, "Nobody wants to get hurt, to hurt anyone else, or to screw up academically." They should visit my BDSM dungeon sometime.
Oh, excellent, a case study! Let's see some stereotypical college-aged conversation.
All right. We've got the white guy, two white chicks (one is clearly supposed to be a Jewish chick), a black guy, a black chick, and a hispanic guy. No asians, though. I feel underrepresented. On closer look, I think the black chick might be Indian or around there, but I'm not good at races. She has a book open, because since they don't have any asians, the "student" has to be portrayed by an Indian. The black guy is gobbling down chips from a huge bag, but apparently isn't sharing at all. What a douche.
The Jewish chick, standing next to the black dude, has a look of extreme discomfort on her face. I imagine those chips are filled with fake cheese or some other awful breath-inducing flavor. She's holding something in her hand like food, but she absolutely refuses to put it near her mouth.
Now that I see a closeup of the hispanic dude, he doesn't look hispanic at all. What gives? Two generic white guys?
All right, time to learn about these dudes.
Jason, the generic white dude, "likes to hang out with his friends and go places in a group, like to a football game to watch Sam play or eat a meal together in town." (Sam, of course, is the black dude. Because that's what black dudes do in college.) Anyway, Jason lives at home with his parents and commutes, but for some reason hangs out in the dorms.
Sam, (the generic black dude) the football player, stays up late studying most nights, thinks about being pre-med, and organizes weekly study groups for the floor, just like all football players.
Mike, the almost-hispanic dude, is a transfer engineering student.
Audrey, the maybe-Indian chick, has a work-study job on campus, and isn't around the dorm too often. She volunteers and tutors a bunch.
Nisha, the Jewish chick, has an older sister at the college who invites them to her off-campus apartment often. Uh oh! I think I see where the plot is going. She is on the intramural softball team.
Finally, Jessica, the hot(test) white chick, just pledged a sorority, like a hot white chick should. I think I see another plot twist! She doesn't spend much time at the dorm, favoring the sorority house. She's in psychology, yet still needs turoring to keep her grades up. Dumb hot white humanities sorority chick named Jessica. How many stereotypes can you fit into one person?
Anyway, this part of the plot is about teaching people how "When we first meet people, we only know a little about them." Come on, where's the booze?
I suppose I should summarize what the info in this chapter is about. They're trying to teach us that our decisions are influenced by stuff, and here are some of the things that influence your decisions. Once you know how your decisions get influenced, apparently, that'll help us make decisions. Like, "Gee, this decision was influenced by my parents. I must do the opposite, now that I recognize that!"
I won't put pictures here, because I don't like doing it, but they have stereotypical pictures of:
Black parents drinking. (They're fat and in the kitchen)
White parents drinking. (They're old, lounging on a couch with wine glasses, like in one of those erectile dysfunction ads)
A non-drinking religious family. (Stereotypical suburban white family, with the balding dad with the silly smile, the extremely short wife, the hittable-but-has-a-face-that-looks-13 daughter, and the taller-than-everyone-else son)
And a family of alcoholics who are getting along fine, though. (Just to show it's possible)
Again, no Asian parents, who are probably way more influential than any of these white picket fencers.
On to peer pressure!
70-80% of students dreak at least once monthly, and more students are drinking for the purpose of getting drunk in the past. Blah blah, whatever. But there's also a row of small pictures of stereotypical students. It's hard to make them out because the pictures are so small, but here goes.
On the left is a sassy but conservatively-dressed white chick with hands on her hips. She actually looks more like a mother.
Then there's a white dude with a backpack.
Then there's a token black dude with hands in his pocket.
Then a tan chick in a summer dress and flip-flops.
Then an even sassier white chick with the appropriate amount of knee-bending to show sass, wearing a black tank-top. (None of these people are dressed slutty. This is college, dudes.)
Then a depressed guy in a red sweater who's about to go on a killing spree.
Then a white (or maybe asian) dude who probably has a silly smile.
Then another sassy chick who's about to fall over backwards.
Then it's black tank-top chick again, but a mirror image.
And a mirrror image of the backpack dude.
Anyway, we've got a definition for binge drinking (it's officially called "High-risk drinking"). For the chicks, black tank-top chick makes an appearance. For the dudes, it's the token black dude.
To make the point of how some students drink a lot, they say that 23% of students dink 68% of the alcohol. The 23% is represented by depressed sweater guy, who does the most harm, while sassy mom, summer dress chick and black dude are the normal folks.
Next, we have a careful analysis of "Work hard, play hard." It turns out that, as a group, the hardest players are not the hardest workers. Who would've thunk it?
It also turns out that alcohol has second hand effects like secondhand smoke. Yeah, seriously, they said that. 75% of students report at least one problem caused by someone else's drinking. They don't get into specifics, though, or explain what proportion of that group reports the problem as "no booze left for me."
There's even a picture of assault, though it's blurred, to give the impression of either motion (as the dude's about to punch the other dude in the face) or drunkenness.
Next, we have pictures to describe substance-free housing, which is clearly and conveniently labelled, so we know where the losers live. We have a chick with glasses who is having way too much fun studying. It looks like the intro to porn. And we need the friends talking and having fun to show that it really is possible to have fun in substance-free housing.
Who is more likely to be a high-risk drinker? Males and whites. I must say, that the "Male" guy does a far better PR job of representing men thant the "white" guy does representing his race. Is that Norm MacDonald? But I'm an asian female, so I don't need to worry about high-risk drinking. Also, Northeasterners are more likely than Southwesterners, so again, I'm in the clear, and can drink as much as I want without any risk at all.
Uh, oh, Greeks, too. But apparently, only those of Sigma and Psi. If you're some other letter, no worries! Oh, maybe the picture doesn't match, and they're talking about folks from Greece. Those damn Greeks. Ruining it for the rest of us. What has Greece done for the world lately? Not to mention those fucking athletes. Especially fraternity athletes from Greece.
And... uh... sports fans. Especially those generic ones who can't root for a particular team.
Competition + Alcohol + Gambling = Drinking Games
No one said we'd have to know math for this.
Oh, goodie, back to our generic Asian-free case study.
Jason has ADHD and uses Rialin, but only to stay awake longer to party. That's some smart thinking, actually.
One of Sam's high school football pals got killed by a drunk driver. Now he's afraid of booze.
Mike's pals have to take care of him when he gets wasted all the time, since his parents started getting him booze at 8th grade. You'd think he'd build a tolerance.
Audrey's ma's an alcoholic, so she's afraid of booze, too.
Nisha got a fake ID from her older sister. What kind of sister does that? Leave her out on her own, she'll never grow up if you spoil her. Oh, and Nisha hangs out at her sister's off-campus apartment with some... dun dun DUN!!!... upper-classmen. No, Nisha, don't do it!
As if Jessica didn't have enough stereotypes, she also skips meals to lose weight. She goes to the gym to work out before drinking.
Now we got an animated scene at... uh... somewhere, where they're all hanging out. Red plastic cups and all. Audrey is holding one of them in one of the scenes, which they apparently forgot to edit out. There're also bowls of some red substance that I can't identify. Actually, now that I look closer, Sam's got a cup, too. Well, maybe there's non-booze in those cups.
Here's a shocking fact: Alcohol manufacturers try to get you to drink your brand! I mean, look at these dupes. They've been "DOLLAR SIGNED!" The important thing is to get them while they're young, so that as they age, and, apparently, as their life starts to go to the gutter, they continue to booze it up with the right brand.
Let's compare our attitudes on how it'll feel to get boozed up. The black-and-white loser on the left represents how "Some people expect that they'll feel tired or nauseous, lose control, or end up with a hangover." The happening dude on the right represents how "Others expect that they'll have fun, feel less stressed, and be more attractive to others." Hey, pessimistic, dude! I think your problem is that you're drinking alone.
In movies, they don't even show the negative consequences of excessive drinking. What gives? Everyone knows that you have to have one of those "The More You Know" moments if you want a good movie. Anyway, there's a bunch of dull stuff on how to engage in good marketing practices by targetting markets and all that, and I'll note it down for when I want to advertise booze later in life.
Now, then, let's draw a picture of stress. Everyone knows that white chicks stress out about class, black chicks stress out about guys trying to pick them up, and white guys stress out about... uh... that dude... with Richard Simmons's hair.
So, here's a question. Do you have to drink to have a good time? Of course not! Look at this nerdy guy. He picked up a (hot?) chick by going to the movies, not by getting her drunk. And at the movies, you don't even need to talk, which can help cover your complete lack of social skills. But look at the guy directly behind them (from the camera's point of view). Check out that facial hair. But you get the sense that he's not all that happy about being there, and was only dragged by his overenthusiastic chick. What's he thinking? "God, boozing is so much easier." But this is the best line:
And if you find that it takes a drink or two to feel comfortable around your date, maybe you're dating the wrong person.
Beggars can't be choosers. Just ask nerdy popcorn dude.
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