Sample Daily Cal Editorial Hi, I'm a newspaper. Now, now, don't get feisty. Concepts of identity are mushy, it's not unthinkable for a newspaper to refer to itself in the first person. Lately, my editors have been filling this space with boring, fence-straddling views meant to appease the majority opinion of their readership without offending minority viewpoints. But after a certain degree of my metaphorical equivalent of soul-searching, I've decided to declare my independence from the traditional view of the role of editorials. You see, I have feelings too, and it's just not fair that I have to be used to say as little as possible. Half of my editorials concern issues that have already been resolved, after all. The other half say things like "While X is important, so is Y. It is important to balance X and Y. Also Z. What 'balancing X and Y' means is left up to the reader to decide. Hopefully, X-supporting readers will think 'balancing X and Y' means a more X-heavy approach, while Y-supporting readers will think the opposite. In the end, both will think that the editorial is supporting their view, and that's important. Because... uh... because..." Sure, sometimes I get stolen because the editorial is unpopular, but come on, that's like blaming a rape victim for wearing slutty clothes. If my current Editor-in-Chief isn't spineless (*cough* Mr. Hernandez *cough*), s/he'll stand up for freedom of the press and gather pity support from my usual critics, and that's better than no support at all. Just ask those Indonesians. Imagine a newspaper where the opinion page wasn't sanitized like it has been, lately. Who knows what Ms. Heagerty is thinking, and maybe she's right that nobody is writing any opinions anymore, but the opinion page used to be a party, two or three pages long, with loads of conflicting, interesting, and often humorous views. And they came from different people all the time. Letters from eight different people? Sure, why not? Election editorials from people not named Andrew F. Adams? It can be done. It was fun when Eric Schewe was in charge. Did Berkeley get that much dumber and less opinionated that fast? So next time you have an opinion about me, please, please, think of my feelings and write me a letter. Maybe they'll get rid of the editorial altogether. Students will wake up early with glee every Tuesday and Friday, anticipating another exciting opinion section. Heck, they'll stay up late Monday and Thursday just to get a first peek. Eventually, the fun will spill over into other days, and the editors will have no choice but to add an opinion section every day. Soon, I won't even need that boring news section, I'll just be one big opinion page. And a crossword. Because SSS is a word, I swear. posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 1/11/2005 11:24:00 PM # Comments (0) . . .
