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Nap Time!!!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Voter's Guide Review

This thing. I don't know what ASCU://sectionname is for. I guess you need the full path to read the Voter's Guide.

President: Holy Crap! Travis Garcia's head is fucking sideways! He must have neck problems.

Executive Vice President: David Wasserman goes with a non-traditional aspect ratio, which means he supports real change.

Senate: Apparently, one of the duties of the Senate is to "represent the rich campus community." If the campus community isn't rich in a particular week, the Senate gets that week off.

Best of:

Karl Siganporia: "Karl Siganporia for ASUC Senate: At least I won’t make things worse!"

Karan Aneja (#59): "Vote independent, vote different, vote prime."

Student Action, #s 84-88: They tried to do a numbered list through various candidates, but I think Ian Clow missed the memo, and they just gave up around 12.

Ross Ligenfelder, Berkeley Squirrel Party: "I'll protect your nuts too!" Folks are directed to the party statement, which doesn't exist.

Kenan "Big" Wang: "I've got BIG... Qualifications. I'm an Inter-Fraternity Council executive. I have 3 years of ASUC experience, 20 years of experience NOT being a dumbass."

Simon Ganz: "If elected, I promise to graduate and move to Los Angeles. There I plan to mount and frame several posters I've found and buy a new pair of shoes because I spilled salad dressing on mine and now I don't like them. Frankly, if I manage to fulfill half of the promises I just outlined, I'll accomplish more for this university than the ASUC will in the next 60 years."

Harmony Larson: "I strongly believe that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."

Joe Rothberg: "I continue support vegetarians who eat animal crackers."

David Torello: "But I know shenanigans when I see them, and the ASUC budget is as terrifying as a bukkake party at an AIDS clinic."

Daniel "Danny" Montes and Daniel "Dan" Galeon: I just like typing 'Dan' and its linguistic relatives.

Everything written by me for every office: Because I'm too lazy to do my campaigning here on the blog.

posted by Beetle Aurora Drake 4/04/2007 11:08:00 PM #
Comments (8)
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Sorry to double comment, but seriously ASCU? What does that stand for?
Clearly, "The Associated Students of a California University."
Wow. Just wow. That's pretty funny.
you know, I could definitely have that all fixed, but I'm totally not going to because it's so funny.
Thanks for being so astute; this made my night.
You should propose a bill to rename the entire Association to bring them into agreement.

Better yet, issue a Temporary Rule that the ASUC will now be known as the ASCU until the end of elections.
Wasn't California University the name of the school where all the Beverly Hills: 90210 kids went to when they "grew up"?
I like #50: "There are too many Californians watching there rights being reduced and eliminated."
They don't need to actually pass a bill renaming the association. They can just amend all the references to the association in the minutes for the last senate meeting. Duh.
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